Any comments?

Processing…

P.S. I think I’ve developed an NCIS addiction.

The first of October in 2008.

Two years.

—

Dear Sweetling,

Yet again I’ve failed to get my act together and send you a card or a present. Not that I ever feel like I can pick out the correct card or present for you. I’m forever second guessing myself. So all I have to offer you this year are memories and wishes…

When you were born you were beautiful with the most beautiful big blue eyes. You didn’t squinch them closed either, but you just kept them wide open and took it all in. I hope you never loose that wide eyed curiosity and innocence…

I wish you a lifetime of imagination… the ability to find adventures in small places, and considerate compassion in big ones. I wish to the chance to dance if you want, or sing, or do cartwheels and somersaults… but only if you want to. I wish you a positive outlook and a love of the amazing… I wish you bright days and sunny skies and warm sunsets and peaceful snows and a chance to run around in the rain and feel it on you face…

Not all of this will happen in the next year… I’m in this wishing business for the long term.

Love, Angewa

—

I’m worn out from packing and cleaning… more some other time.

And then my mom called me at work…

Crying so hard that I didn’t recognize her voice…

My grandfather died today. My mom’s daddy.

I’m going down to C-bus tomorrow… Jeff’s in Houston, preparing to weather the hurricane… I feel very alone right now.

Of course, I’m still posting this from work, but that’s no one’s fault but my own.

So, what’s on my mind…

Ike.

I no like Ike. (Pardon my horrible abuse of the English language in my neverending quest for humor.)

Eduardo amused me (at least the Houston Chronicle’s bloggers who covered it amused me.) Gustav got me worked into a tizzy. Ike… well Ike has come at a point when I barely have the energy to deal with putting my life into alot of little boxes. (Thank heavens my mom’s coming this weekend to help me pack and clean.)

My mom’s coming this weekend to help me pack and clean… I should probably clean and pack some before she gets here…

I’m sure that by this time next year, I’ll be an old hat at hurricanes. A Catergory 1 like Ike is now probably won’t even make me raise an eyebrow.

But for right now?

Totally exhausted by the anxiety.

I spent most of the day out, just driving or shopping or hanging out at the local gamestore. It’s been one of those days when you want to hold those who are important to you close, and everybody important to me is pretty far away. So I took refuge where I could.

I don’t like facing my own mortality, but sometimes it creeps up and smacks me upside the head. Back when I worked at P.U. I filled out a form naming life insurance benefiarcies. That was the first time I’d had to think about who would get my stuff (and be in charge of distributing it) if I died. That was way before I knew I was pregnant with The Sweetling. After a good portion of deliberation I chose three people to share the job/stuff/cash: Jeff (I guess that one would be a bit obvious), Sara and my sister.

I think at some point I should probably do something official again. Prepare for the worst and all that. I think yet again, I’d chose those same three. Jeff is obvious, Sara knows me better than most anyone besides Jeff (and understands some of me that he doesn’t) and my sister because she knows about the family stuff that the others might not be familar with.

I mean, that’s not to say that I won’t write something out about X, Y, or Z thing going to specific people, but having them in there, well, they can cover the things I forget or can’t think of ahead of time. I’m thoroughly in the realm of “Not Rich” right now, but if I ever was, I’d want to lay some money aside for The Sweetling and Critter and probably The Sweetling’s siblings. College funds and all that well thought out stuff. Plus I’ve got a good portion of opal jewelry and The Sweetling and Critter are the 2 other “October babies” that I’m closest too. Not that I’m sure that Critter would want women’s jewelry that much. But his mom might appreciate it.

I don’t know. I’m not trying to be a downer… I’m just retreating into my head. I’m not sure that anything will come of this…

If anyone is counting, we are T-minus 30 days to The Sweetling’s 2nd birthday. Which means we’re also T-minus 42 days until I’m 25.

Other upcoming fun dates: As 2 weeks from today, Jeff and I will have been together for 3 years, on the 28th Sara will be 25, on the 4th of October Sara’s getting married, and Critter (Sara’s son) will be 1 year old exactly 1 month after his mommy’s birthday.

Also on the upcoming calendar: Jeff’s Older Brother’s Birthday, Jeff’s Dad’s Birthday, Jeff’s Mom’s Birthday, My Mom’s Birthday, Then Thanksgiving, S. & Little C’s Birthday, My Sis’s Birthday, Then Christmas, Then it’s 2009, and Jeff’s Younger Brother’s Birthday and then Jeff’s Birthday… Then Valentine’s Day… Then St. Paddy’s Day…

Ok, well maybe March is a bit far off

I think I have a bit of Shopping to do…

Plus our friend Chels will be 21 in the next couple weeks…

I should probably make a list…

Blogging and update my dear readers is somewhere on that list… I think. (Did I mention that I mis-laid the list? Or possibly imagined it in the first place?)

I just sent an email to a blogging friend about some stuff. A quote from that email goes like this:

Can you tell my brain runs on something akin to a jumbled ball of string?

Which is such a true-ism that I had to post it here.

You’ve seen the maps that people have for crime sprees and stuff? With push pins and and all that?

Or better yet, those art projects where you run string through holes in a marked pattern and it ends up looking like a fan or a vortex or something?

All that jumping from point to seemingly related/seemingly unrelated point?

Yeah. My brain totally does that.

Well that’s not entirely accurate.

I mean I’ve got lots that I could say, but I don’t for whatever reason. There are some topics I leave well enough alone because I’m well aware that I’m not an expert. There’s no need for me to chime in just to hear myself type. There are some topics that I just don’t want to talk about, whether from exasperation or inexperience or sore spots or whatever. And so I don’t talk because this is my adoption place right?

And that’s when I have to kick myself…

Because this isn’t just an “adoption blog” this is an “Ang Blog” that just happens to have a large chunk of adoption. I still feel guilty ’cause sometimes it seems that readers are coming here for adoption stuff and I’m not writing about that now because I’m in kind of a lull point. Nothings come of the letter and I’m dealing with that fine and my emotions are just kind of at an existence point. I feel sad or happy or whatever, they’re not at a consuming level. (I believe that’s healthy.)

So, I mean, I guess there are other things I can talk about…

Like:

• The fact that Grania is having a very loud, rather amusing, fight with a sock. One of my socks in fact.
• The fact that I’m still trying to figure out how to knit socks… I’ve got an ankle and a heel and I even turned the heel, I just need to get past the gusset part.
• Blogging now that I know my mom reads here. (Hi Mom!) (It basically just involves less commentary on my sex life…)
• Houston… well that’s after we go this weekend.
• My hair cut. (I chopped 6 inches off!)
• I-Phone Envy (Certain Pirates in this household possess one of the new 3G I-Phones and certain people who are me want one…)
• More goofball cat antics. Like when Grania sits on the back of my chair and almost tips me over…
• Frustration in the lack of a good affordable flash attachment (or extra lens) for my camera.
• GenCon prep! We have a place to sleep!!
• The fact that I can’t get the blinds in the office to go up evenly.
• How incredibly soft the goofball kitties are. *Pets Grania who is finished battling the ultra-evil, or at least wool-blend, sock.*
• The fact that I’ve been waking up at 4 or 5 a.m. for like the last week.
• Wardrobe drama, or the episode where Angela cleans out her closet and replaces the stuff…

That and much more can be yours for the low, low, low as-seen-on-TV price of 12 payments of $19.99 (plus tax, shipping & handling, and general fine-print lawyer fees…)

Or you could just comment and tell me what you’d like to hear about. (Even you Mom…)

Then I didn’t even look here yesterday.

Oops.

Oh, well, things are so crazy around here anyways, I probably wouldn’t have made it a week.

To review the not-officially-or-even-unofficially-agreed-upon schedule -

• This weekend (Aug 1-3) - Cats-houseguests/downstairs-bathroom prisioners are leaving/being transferred/released today. Aka Charlotte’s dad is coming to pick them up. I think there are two little orange cats who will be very relieved at this turn of events. Honestly, I’ll be relieved too. I love Kage and Chisai (the houseguests) but four cats who don’t get along is a challenge and also Kage has been a bit of a… pain? Lets just say I have kitty tooth impressions on my arm.
• Next weekend (Aug 8-10) - Houston! Apartment hunting in Houston that is. The Planet (Jeff’s now-employer) is flying us down and putting us up. Finding a residence is the serious side of the trip but it’s also a mini-vacation too. Besides, I haven’t been on a plane since the summer of 2003. (Which was my first time on a plane… ever.) I don’t know if I have any Texas readers, or ex-Texas readers, or readers who’ve been to Houston, but any attraction and restaurant suggestions are welcome…
• Aug 13/14-17 - GenCon - We’ll be in Indy for the “Best Four Days in Gaming.” (We still haven’t confirmed our sleeping arrangements, though…)
• Aug 22-24 - Or whatever that weekend time is - A “possible” trip to Chi to clear out Jeff’s storage unit. This may also be moved to later in the week of Aug 25. Arrangements are incomplete, which is lovely because …
• Aug 29 - Sept 1 - Labor Day Weekend - Jeff Moves! (And the furry ones move too…)
• The grand span of September - Ang lives in the townhome with next to nothing, by herself. (Sounds thrilling, huh?)
• September 30 - My official last day at the church and the townhome lease is up.
• October 1-4 - I live out of my car… who knows where.
• October 4 - Sara’s getting Married!
• After that… - The long haul to Houston, Ang’s turn.

Of course in this passage of time, several other things need to happen…

• - Packing (duh!)
• - Some little kittens that we know need some shots. And one of them needs to get her wheezing checked out. Poor widdle wheezy cat…
• - Hopefully, I’ll be training my replacement. That being said, the posting for people to get my job is up, so if you’d like it (and you’re in the area) drop me a line and I’ll send you the info.
• - About a billion other things…