A Barrel of Nelsons

So I know I’ve been quiet. That’s just one of those points I’m at. Writing is on my to-do list alot of the time. Somewhere in there with laundry and calling Sara and seeing some of the new movies that are out. (The term “new” being used loosely… I haven’t seen Quantum of Solace or Twilight, plus I need to try to get to a theater while Watchmen is still playing.)

I’ve got some new friends (well, not brand new, but haven’t been posted about here before new.) Mainly guys, okay, pretty much 90% guys. I still haven’t found any girl-friends that I’m really connecting with, not like I’ve connected with Sara and Charlotte. So while I’ve racked up an impressive list of new “people I know” and at least two of them are on the “people I’m decently tight with” list, there is a serious testosterone overbalance, which kind of makes me feel lonely still sometimes.

I read the Twilight series a few months ago (all four books, at least three-quarters of which were gifts). I’m definitely an Edward & Bella fan. Thus I’m not pleased that I didn’t get myself to see the movie in theaters.

Other than that and reading some Nora Roberts that I hadn’t opened before (one trilogy on recommendation of my mother, another from perusing the backs of covers), I’m in one of my nostalgia phases.

Every once and awhile, I’ll hit this point where I really feel like reading things I’d read awhile ago. I’ve breezed through the Harry Potter books again, and will possibly pick up my Narnia anthology soon. I don’t know where my Tolkien books are though… *frowny face* I did dig out a handful of Mary Higgins Clark and Anne McCaffery from a box that I hadn’t opened since moving. Though I’m craving some of the Anne McCaffery that I know I sold a couple years back. I think a trip to Half-Price Books needs to go on that to-do list.

I’m not just feeling nostalgia in my reading material. My Netflix queue is full of TV shows that I remember watching when I was younger, well technically that I remember my parents watching. I’ve got Sliders, MacGuyver, SeaQuest, the original StarTrek, Hercules: The Legendary Journeys, and Xena: Warrior Princess. I’m considering adding more of the StarTreks (Next Generation for sure, Deep Space Nine and Voyager… maybe), and even more considering adding JAG (but that’s probably an off shoot of my NCIS addiction.) I’m keeping up with NCIS (of course) and CSI: New York, but other than that I’ve fallen woefully behind on current TV. I was already behind on House M.D., and I didn’t start back up in February with Chuck like I meant too. I’m pretty far lost on The Office, too.

Adoption stuff wise, not much to report. I’m dealing with my emotions pretty well these days. And suprisingly today did not hit me like a sack of bricks tied to an anvil, stuffed inside a piano and dropped on my head. Up until now the half-birthdays have been worse for me that the big days themselves. Part of me worries that I’m going numb (which it believes is a bad thing…), but a good portion of me believes it’s okay, possibly even healthy to not be as raw as I’ve been before.

But I still want to say, Happy 2.5 Sweetling. I’m thinking of you…

Crossposted on LiveJournal and Facebook

So, as some of you may know, I’m currently unemployed. It’s a challenging situation on multiple fronts. I’ve gotten the usual questions from friends and friends of friends and random acquaintances, “What are your skills?,” “What are you looking for?,” “What kind of experience/training/etc. do you have?”

And of course, the kicker… “What do you want to do?”

While the other ones are half easy to answer (My general skills are on my resume as are my experiences, and I’m looking for a job that will pay me more than minimum wage without resorting to food service, hopefully with a semi set schedule and enough off time that I can spend time with friends and pursue some dreams without having to sacrifice things like sleep.)

Answering the kicker question… that’s a bit harder.

It’s hard in several ways. One, I’m not really completely sure of what I want to do. And two, explaining my crazy off the wall idea of what I think I want to do is something close to down right embarrassing sometimes.

To cover the first point: When I was younger I bounced back and forth all over my future career path, as all young kids do. The few things I came back to most often were author and artist. My parents not so gently reminded me that I should really do something that might actually pay the bills. And that’s how I ended up in computer graphics at Purdue. The actual path from A to B winds a bit more, but it’s a decent summary. The problem was/is even though I’m not completely horrible at CGT stuff, I’m not drop dead passionate about it either. It became a chore for me to do things that I had once loved creating, and I consistently heard that I was only barely making the grade. I didn’t have the skill or talent or what not to be exceptional, and I felt like people (including myself) were expecting exceptionality… plus it seemed to me that just being mediocre wasn’t going to get me a job anyways. So, I’m not there anymore… of course I’m 25 with no college degree or sense of direction either.

Now for part two… the part that makes me turn pink to think about explaining. A – because it is off the wall, B – because I’m talking about making a life out of something I’ve never done before really…

I want to make costumes for a living. Fantastic, fantasy (and sci-fi and whatever else) based costumes. And accessories. And possible some props.

Raise your hand if you think I just went off the deep end.

Yeah… I told you it was/is crazy.

I haven’t even successfully tried to really do it yet even. Unless you count pulling together all the parts of Jeff’s Mad-Eye Moody costume when we went to buy Harry Potter and The Deathly Hallows. But not sewing from scratch. I’m in a place right now where I don’t even have sewing space so my machines and my awesome dress form (thanks again, Mom!) live in the closet. I have a book on sketching ideas, but I need to buy some more construction, pattern drafting and draping books. Plus some books on the stuff that isn’t fabric based. I need to buy materials to play with and try to see what I like and what I can do and what I need to learn. Taking a few college courses in theatrical costuming wouldn’t be stupid either if I could find said courses. And then I need to figure a way to market the whole deal so that people actually pay me to do it…

Right now I’m just kind of at that gather information on techniques and materials and sources phase. Some of what’s holding me back is space, and some is nerves, and of course some is lack of funds. And I’m not expecting to make gobs and gobs of cash. It would be nice to make enough (one day) to have it be my sole form of employment, but I realize I’ll probably need some other sort of job too. But I’m really hoping I can stick to this and see this dream fly.

*Crossing fingers*

Any one else watch?

Any comments?

Processing…

P.S. I think I’ve developed an NCIS addiction.

Here we are… The first of October. It didn’t even hit me until last night when my parents and I were talking about something unrelated.

The first of October in 2008.

Two years.

—

Dear Sweetling,

Yet again I’ve failed to get my act together and send you a card or a present. Not that I ever feel like I can pick out the correct card or present for you. I’m forever second guessing myself. So all I have to offer you this year are memories and wishes…

When you were born you were beautiful with the most beautiful big blue eyes. You didn’t squinch them closed either, but you just kept them wide open and took it all in. I hope you never loose that wide eyed curiosity and innocence…

I wish you a lifetime of imagination… the ability to find adventures in small places, and considerate compassion in big ones. I wish to the chance to dance if you want, or sing, or do cartwheels and somersaults… but only if you want to. I wish you a positive outlook and a love of the amazing… I wish you bright days and sunny skies and warm sunsets and peaceful snows and a chance to run around in the rain and feel it on you face…

Not all of this will happen in the next year… I’m in this wishing business for the long term.

Love, Angewa

—

I’m worn out from packing and cleaning… more some other time.

I wasn’t going to post today. I’ve nothing eloquent to add to any of the statements being made.

And then my mom called me at work…

Crying so hard that I didn’t recognize her voice…

My grandfather died today. My mom’s daddy.

I’m going down to C-bus tomorrow… Jeff’s in Houston, preparing to weather the hurricane… I feel very alone right now.

There is internet at the house again. Thank you Jeff.

Of course, I’m still posting this from work, but that’s no one’s fault but my own.

So, what’s on my mind…

Ike.

I no like Ike. (Pardon my horrible abuse of the English language in my neverending quest for humor.)

Eduardo amused me (at least the Houston Chronicle’s bloggers who covered it amused me.) Gustav got me worked into a tizzy. Ike… well Ike has come at a point when I barely have the energy to deal with putting my life into alot of little boxes. (Thank heavens my mom’s coming this weekend to help me pack and clean.)

My mom’s coming this weekend to help me pack and clean… I should probably clean and pack some before she gets here…

I’m sure that by this time next year, I’ll be an old hat at hurricanes. A Catergory 1 like Ike is now probably won’t even make me raise an eyebrow.

But for right now?

Totally exhausted by the anxiety.

My internet at home has gone “Poof.” I can’t get ahold of Jeff. I am quickly (not slowly) loosing my mind.

On Thursday, one of the guys in my graduating class died. From what I’ve heard, it was a heart attack or some other heart issue. He was 23, and while he wasn’t a close, personal friend, or really anything more than a general acquaintence, well, it’s something that’s got me shaken. I remember him as one of those very exburent personalities, he was voted most likely to star on Broadway in our senior yearbook. It’s hard to look at those pages and think that someone that young could just suddenly … well, die.

I spent most of the day out, just driving or shopping or hanging out at the local gamestore. It’s been one of those days when you want to hold those who are important to you close, and everybody important to me is pretty far away. So I took refuge where I could.

I don’t like facing my own mortality, but sometimes it creeps up and smacks me upside the head. Back when I worked at P.U. I filled out a form naming life insurance benefiarcies. That was the first time I’d had to think about who would get my stuff (and be in charge of distributing it) if I died. That was way before I knew I was pregnant with The Sweetling. After a good portion of deliberation I chose three people to share the job/stuff/cash: Jeff (I guess that one would be a bit obvious), Sara and my sister.

I think at some point I should probably do something official again. Prepare for the worst and all that. I think yet again, I’d chose those same three. Jeff is obvious, Sara knows me better than most anyone besides Jeff (and understands some of me that he doesn’t) and my sister because she knows about the family stuff that the others might not be familar with.

I mean, that’s not to say that I won’t write something out about X, Y, or Z thing going to specific people, but having them in there, well, they can cover the things I forget or can’t think of ahead of time. I’m thoroughly in the realm of “Not Rich” right now, but if I ever was, I’d want to lay some money aside for The Sweetling and Critter and probably The Sweetling’s siblings. College funds and all that well thought out stuff. Plus I’ve got a good portion of opal jewelry and The Sweetling and Critter are the 2 other “October babies” that I’m closest too. Not that I’m sure that Critter would want women’s jewelry that much. But his mom might appreciate it.

I don’t know. I’m not trying to be a downer… I’m just retreating into my head. I’m not sure that anything will come of this…

Princess C’s birthday is today. I told Jeff to call and wish her a happy birthday, and I just thought I would send out some good vibes.

If anyone is counting, we are T-minus 30 days to The Sweetling’s 2nd birthday. Which means we’re also T-minus 42 days until I’m 25.

Other upcoming fun dates: As 2 weeks from today, Jeff and I will have been together for 3 years, on the 28th Sara will be 25, on the 4th of October Sara’s getting married, and Critter (Sara’s son) will be 1 year old exactly 1 month after his mommy’s birthday.

Also on the upcoming calendar: Jeff’s Older Brother’s Birthday, Jeff’s Dad’s Birthday, Jeff’s Mom’s Birthday, My Mom’s Birthday, Then Thanksgiving, S. & Little C’s Birthday, My Sis’s Birthday, Then Christmas, Then it’s 2009, and Jeff’s Younger Brother’s Birthday and then Jeff’s Birthday… Then Valentine’s Day… Then St. Paddy’s Day…

Ok, well maybe March is a bit far off

I think I have a bit of Shopping to do…

Plus our friend Chels will be 21 in the next couple weeks…

I should probably make a list…

So I’ve got a to-do list a mile long, what with moving and GenCon and getting dressed for work and stuff (that’s not in the correct order at all).

Blogging and update my dear readers is somewhere on that list… I think. (Did I mention that I mis-laid the list? Or possibly imagined it in the first place?)

I just sent an email to a blogging friend about some stuff. A quote from that email goes like this:

Can you tell my brain runs on something akin to a jumbled ball of string?

Which is such a true-ism that I had to post it here.

You’ve seen the maps that people have for crime sprees and stuff? With push pins and and all that?

Or better yet, those art projects where you run string through holes in a marked pattern and it ends up looking like a fan or a vortex or something?

All that jumping from point to seemingly related/seemingly unrelated point?

Yeah. My brain totally does that.